just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
