i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
