We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
