Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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