being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
