Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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