Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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