Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
