I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
