her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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