Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
