Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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