i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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