We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
