I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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