you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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