I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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