I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
