No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
