I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
