that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
