Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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