that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
