Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
