Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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