bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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