She said her name was "party"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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