Your dad touched me again.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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