I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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