I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
