3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
