i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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