I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
