I wannas sexs uuuuu
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
