I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
