Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
