Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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