my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
