the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
