i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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