Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm both gender and math confused
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
