I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
