I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This house was built for laser tag.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
