so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
