I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
