Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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