Need sex. Gaining weight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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