Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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