Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
