he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
