You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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