WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
