My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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