it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
