that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
