Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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