you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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