my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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