Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
