ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
