If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
