Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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