I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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