God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
