Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
