I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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