I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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