I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
