Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
