I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
