Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
