the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
