my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
