my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
