I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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