I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
