We're like a lot better than the average bears
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't notice because vodka
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
