Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize