come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
